


Dear Winter

by SlytherinReign



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Under the Red Hood
Genre: Dad Jason, Family, Fatherhood, Jason-Centric, Language, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 05:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18685288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinReign/pseuds/SlytherinReign
Summary: A glimpse into Jason's life before and after he became a father.





	Dear Winter

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song Dear Winter by AJR
> 
> Pre-warning: I'm not American so some of the spellings and sayings might be a bit anglicised.

_ Dear Winter, I hope you like your name _

_ I hope they don't make fun of you _

_ When you grow up and go to school, okay? _

_ 'Cause Winter is a badass name _

 

Sat at the dining room table, their little girl sat opposite in her Gotham Academy uniform, Jason was wondering how one day could make things so awkward between the three of them. Last night, things had been alright, Dick was telling the two of them a story about a car chase he had been involved in that day at work, their little girl giggling delightfully as Jason playfully mocked Dick just out of sight. Tonight, all their attempts at starting a conversation had fallen short. Their little girl had, by the looks of it, had not had a good first day at Gotham Academy. 

“Did you have a good day at school?” Dick tried with a gentle smile and worried eyes. Their little girl just sighed and continued pushing her food around her plate. “Are you not hungry? I don’t think you’ve ever turned your favourite away, and Jay made it ‘specially.” Jason rolled his eyes, Dick’s mother-henning was not going to get anything but silence out of their daughter.

“If you’re not feeling up to eating at the moment, baby, I’ll heat it up for you later.” He could feel Dick’s eyes on him warningly, but their little girl needed her space, just like he does. Without making any indication that she had actually heard what Jason had said, she pushed her plate away and left the table. As soon as her bedroom door closed, Dick turned to Jason, annoyed.

“There’s no guarantee she’ll want to eat anything later and then she’ll go to sleep without having anything to eat! Why couldn’t you have said something to make her eat?” Dick, when worried, tended to lash out.

“Hey, Dickiebird, she’ll be fine, you know what the two of us are like, we just need our space before we can talk things out. How about, you go have a relaxing bath before going on patrol tonight, I’ll sort the dishes and then go talk to her.” Softening, Dick pressed a warm kiss to Jason’s temple before heading to their room. Still sat at the dining room table, Jason waited until he could the water running before loading all the plates into the dishwasher and placing the leftovers into Tupperware.

Satisfied with the cleanliness of the kitchen, Jason walked to the closed bedroom door and knocked, just under the lilac letters of their daughter’s name.

“Baby, can I come in?” There was a small sniffle and then the door creaked open a tiny crack. 

“Where’s Papa?” A small voice replied.

“Having a bath.” The door opened fully and Jason was let into his little girl’s room. A few pillows were scattered on the floor, having fallen off the bed, Jason stopped to pick them up before settling on the edge of the bed next to his daughter. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Leaning into his side, she fiddled with the hem of his shirt before speaking.

“There was this girl at school, she said my name was stupid. That my name was the worst season, so obviously I wasn’t worth making friends with. No one would talk to me all day and when the teacher read out my name they laughed. Why did you give me such a stupid name?!” Jason could feel tears seeping through his top and hugged his little girl tighter.

“Winter Mar’i Grayson-Todd, your name is unique, and beautiful just like you. What was this girl’s name, huh? Something boring like Jessica or Katie? Winter is the best season anyway, there’s Christmas and New Year’s and snow and hot cocoa and it’s when you were born, so it automatically is the best season, for that reason alone.”

“There’s skiing as well, and Alfred’s gingerbread cookies.” Winter sniffled a small smile on her face. 

“Exactly. Winter is a badass name. Oops, don’t tell your Papa I said that!” Winter giggled and curled into his side tighter. Jason pressed a kiss to the top of her head, his little girl deserved so much more than childish bullying. “So, dinner?”

 

_ Dear Winter, I hope you talk to girls _

_ Or boys or anyone you like _

_ I just hope you don't stay in every night _

_ 'Cause I wish I was out tonight _

 

“Da-ad! Stop it!”

“What? I’m not doing anything!”

“Papa, tell Dad to stop teasing me about Charlie!”

“Dickiebird, tell her that it’s my right as Winter’s Dad to tease her about her crush!” Winter’s small hands pressed against Jason’s side and pushed lightly and he stumbled exaggeratedly. “I’m wounded!” Jason grinned at his daughter who stuck her tongue out in response.

“Children, the both of you,” Dick muttered but smiled fondly at his husband and daughter. “But your Dad’s got a point, Winter, when are you going to ask Charlie out? You’ve liked him for a while, right?”

“What?! You told Papa before you told me?” But I thought I was your favourite!” Jason whined and pouted. Seemed like all it took to get Winter out of her dejected slump was a little bit of silliness and Jason wasn’t afraid to make a fool of himself if it meant his not-so-little girl smiled. 

“Papa actually gives good advice, you just tease me!” Winter stuck her tongue out again. 

“Right, I’m gonna have to prove you wrong. I’m gonna teach you all the best places to go on a date in Gotham and-”

“What do you know about going out on a date? Papa said you didn’t really date before him, you just sat in your room at the Manor reading!” Winter’s smile was teasing and Jason had to try really hard to keep a straight face. By Dick’s laughter, he could tell that he was failing.

“Exactly, means I know what not to do.” Jason crept forward and hid his mouth from Dick’s view before stage-whispering. “And anyway your Papa went on so many bad dates and thought they were good ideas that I wouldn’t trust him with something as important as this!” Jason jerked away as Dick jabbed him in the side, the smile on his face betraying his adoration for his husband. Winter laughed then sobered up pretty quickly, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

“But Dad, Papa, seriously, how do I talk to people I like?” Both Dick and Jason took note of the fact that their daughter didn’t specify a gender, but didn’t mention it. 

“You talk to them like they’re normal people because that’s all they are.” Dick began, wrapping his long arms around Winter’s shoulders and reaching for Jason’s hand.

“And then you take a risk because otherwise, you might spend all your time at home with the two of us! Sometimes it’s not going to work out, but then you’ll never know unless you take that risk.”

“Love you Papa, Dad, I don't think hanging out with the two of you would be too bad.”

“We love you too baby, but who said we want to hang out with you every night?!” Jason laughed, squeezing Dick’s hand and ruffling Winter’s hair.

 

_ It really doesn't seem like there's anyone for me _

_ But dear Winter, I hope you like your name _

_ I'm hoping that someday, I can meet you on this Earth _

_ But shit, I gotta meet your mom first _

 

It hadn’t been long since Talia had let him roam free and he was on his way to Gotham to get his revenge on the man that was supposed to have loved him. The Joker had smashed his head in with a crowbar and then blown him up and neither Bruce or Batman had done anything to the Joker. Since killing Jason, the Joker had escaped Arkham more times than Jason cared to count and countless men, women and children had suffered his insanity. It was time to end it and if he could get revenge on the man who had said he loved him, well that was even better. Jason was going to get his revenge, put the Joker in a hole, not unlike the hole he dug himself out of. But first, he had to get to Gotham.

He had stopped in Paris on his way, thought he’d see the sights that he never got around to in his first life. He’d misjudged the timing though, it seemed like it was the Christmas holidays, as there were kids everywhere. A small boy came barrelling towards him, struggling to stop on his roller skates, his mother behind him, shouting. Instincts took over and Jason reached out and caught the boy, just as he lost his balance. Tiny hands gripped at his coat and a small voice gasped out a small ‘merci’. Jason’s heart softened slightly as he imagined his own child, a daughter, his little princess, holding his big hand with hands that tiny. He shook the thought away as the mother came up to him, gasping out ‘merci’s as she caught her breath and hugged her boy tight.

It happened again in London. He was in the airport, waiting for the gate number to appear on the screen next to the flight to Gotham when two small children, a boy and a girl, both teary-eyed, approach him.

“Sorry sir,” the boy starts, holding his little sister’s hand tightly, “but can you help us find our mummy?” Jason doesn’t know what it is about him that makes him approachable to little kids, especially as he is probably the most dangerous person in this building, but a part of him melts at the fact that the kids trust him to help.

“Yeah, my name’s Jason. Where did you last see your mommy?” He lets the little boy hold his hand and together the three of them find the distressed mother who thanks him profusely. The same part of him that vows to get his revenge, vows to never lose his own children in a busy place like this.

He’s back in Gotham and his need for revenge is eating away at him as he puts the final touches to his plan. The rage of the Lazarus Pit is burning inside of him and it’s only the presence of children in this tiny coffee shop that stops him from letting it consume him. After all this, maybe he’ll settle down and have kids, who is he kidding? After all this, no one will want to have kids with someone as messed up as him.

But maybe one day.

 

_ Dear Winter, I hope you like this song _

_ And even when you're thirteen _

_ And you scream at me for parenting you wrong _

_ I hope it's still a badass song _

 

It’s not the first argument they’ve had with Winter, but it’s definitely the worst. There’s screaming on both sides and both Dick and Winter have cried and Jason can admit that he’s not too far away from tears himself. He doesn’t like it when they argue, he’s always tried to turn things lighthearted before they get to this point, but Winter’s thirteen and every day something new is cause for aggravation. 

“You’ve been keeping secrets and lying to me my entire life, you and the rest of the family! I hate you! I hate you all!” Winter’s screaming at them and Dick just sobs at those last words and no matter how much he wants to comfort his husband, putting up such a united front is going to alienate their daughter. 

“Winter, baby-” Jason tries, he uses all his training to keep his body language non-threatening and open, it doesn’t stop the flinch when she screams at him.

“NO! You said you loved me and then you lied to me! You were my Dad, I thought we, ARGH!!” In a final scream of frustration and a clench of her fists, Winter storms out of the room, pushing over a picture frame of the three of them in the process. Jason feels his heart shatter along with the glass. But now, that Winter is out of the room, he can make his way across to Dick and wrap his arms around him like he wanted to do from the beginning of this argument. Jason wasn’t going to let himself cry now, Dick needed him to be strong, and when they got around to talking it out with Winter, she would need him to be strong too. The tears could wait until he was hidden in the shower. 

Half the day passed without a word from Winter and Dick was terrified that their little girl had climbed out of the window and run away but Jason calmed all those fears with a reminder that their little girl wouldn’t do that, no matter how angry. Dinner was made and sat on the table when Jason knocked on Winter’s door. 

“Do you want some dinner?”

“No.” The one word answer was enough to know that Winter was still angry at them. 

“Well your Papa and I are eating now and we’ll be gone within the hour if it’s a case of not wanting to talk to us. Just make sure you eat something.” No response. Feeling sadness wash over him, he lent his forehead against the wooden panels of the door, just wishing he knew what to say to make everything right again. 

Running across Gotham’s skyline is usually the best stress reliever, but tonight, Jason can’t help but wonder if it would’ve been better to stay at home. Dick is already worrying enough as it is, he doesn’t need to add to that worry by voicing his own. They’ve split up, for the time being, Dick going to help Batman with something or another and Jason patrolling Crime Alley as Red Hood and checking in with the working girls. 

He’s talking with one of the newer girls, a big sister looking to help feed her younger siblings when he hears a scream and there’s something familiar about it. He grapples towards the sound and sees something that simultaneously makes his blood freeze and boil. There in the middle of a group of men, is Winter, and they’re pulling on her clothing. For the first time in almost fifteen years, Jason sees green. The Lazarus Pit bubbles in him and he has to keep reminding himself that Winter doesn’t need to see him kill. In a blink of an eye, the first man is down, another blink, the second, then the third, then the fourth and finally the fifth. It’s only when Winter is clinging to him, shaking in his arms, that the green fades away and Jason can wrap his arms around his little girl without worrying that he’ll hurt her. 

“I’m sorry Daddy. I’m sorry, I just wanted to see you and Papa. I’m sorry, I believe you now…” she’s hiccuping through apologies and Jason just unlatches his helmet, one-handed, and buried his face into her hair. 

“It’s okay baby. I’m here, you’re okay. Everything’s okay. We love you so much and we’re sorry we kept our night jobs from you. We just want you to be safe. Never scare me like that again, okay baby?” Jason’s rambling and tears sting the corner of his eyes but his little girl is safe and in his arms and she doesn’t hate him anymore. 

Her sobs pause for a moment. Lifting her head she looks him right in the eye, a twinkle of mirth amongst the diamonds of tears. 

“Your fighting was pretty badass, Dad.”

 

_ It really doesn't seem like there's anyone for me _

_ But dear Winter, I hope you like your name _

_ You know I cannot wait to teach you how to curse _

_ But shit, I gotta meet your mom first _

 

“Fuck!” He had failed. He shouldn’t have failed. He’d set it up so that he couldn’t fail and yet, Batman had made sure he did. Not even the satisfaction of blindsiding Batman with his identity reveal could overpower the bubbling rage of failing. The Joker is still alive, still breathing, back in his cell at Arkham and Jason, Jason’s in a dilapidated shithole in Crime Alley, back where he first started. It would’ve been so much better if Batman had left him on the streets after catching him stealing his tires, rather than adopt him. 

A slew of curse words fly out of his mouth and he lets the green take over, the fight completely draining out of him. 

Jason wakes, his head pounding, his knuckles screaming in pain and a curse word on his tongue. 

“Shit!” He knows he needs to wrap his knuckles before he hurts them anymore or they become infected but the sight of his own blood and the stinging as the breeze from the opened window brushes over the wounds keeps him sane. Well, more himself than the monster the Lazarus Pit makes him. 

“Language.” The tone is mocking, there’s an underlying seriousness to the familiar tone that is moving its way across what could be called the living room. 

“How the fuck did you find me?” Jason growls, clenching his fists tighter and swallowing the grunt of pain that tries to escape his lips. Some part of him is relieved to hear the voice and he hates that part as much as he hates the roiling anger of the Lazarus Pit. 

“Easy, I followed the sound of angry brooding and excessive cursing.” He can hear the slight smile of the natural teasing fall into something more worried. 

“Dick.” Just his name is enough to get the man to leave the joking behind. 

“I needed to see if you were okay.”

“Why do you fucking care?” Dick has moved his way into Jason’s line of sight. He’s holding a glass of water, painkillers and bandages. 

“I always have. Now let me wrap your wounds before they get infected.” The glass of water and painkillers are placed on the table as Dick kneels in front of Jason, a tiny smile, trying to reassure and comfort him. The green bubbling pit recedes slightly. Jason reaches for the glass of water and takes a sip. The coldness of the water soothes him a little more and Jason doesn’t understand how the pit’s rage has retreated further inside him when there isn’t a little kid anywhere near him. 

“Go on, painkiller.” Dick prompts, wrapping Jason’s knuckles with featherlight touches. Jason shakes his head, feeling like he’s back in the Robin uniform getting fussed over by Dick and Alfred. 

“No. Can’t. Need to keep my fucking head. Any type of shit makes me lose my fucking sanity.” Jason can’t believe that the admission just slipped out. It’s a weakness that he can’t let Batman and Nightwing use against him. Dick knowing is alright though. He’s beyond grateful when Dick doesn’t mention it, just nods in acceptance. 

“I feel sorry for your wallet when you finally have kids. Your future wife is going to have a constantly full swear jar with your language.” The attempt at banter is weak and the mention of his future child hurts, but Jason fakes a laugh. They’re trying, the both of them, and that’s more than Jason deserves. 

“Fuck you.”

“See! Your future kid’s first word is going to be some curse word.” The banter is getting more playful and better and Jason finds himself relaxing, sinking more into his sofa. 

“It’s better than being human elastic as your kids will end up being.” Jason throws back and he knows that he’s too fucked up for anyone to want to have a kid with him, but it’s nice to pretend for the time being. 

 

_ Dear Winter, don't move too far away _

_ And please don't say I'm hovering _

_ When I text you to ask about your day _

_ I wanna hear about your day _

 

The last box is brought into the apartment and Jason doesn’t want to set it down, it becomes real then. His baby girl is finally moving out and he doesn’t think he’s ready to let go. He knows that he can’t stop this, she’s old enough and sensible enough that he shouldn’t have to worry, but he’s going to anyway. 

He expected Dick to be an emotional wreck over this, but his husband seems to be coping a lot better than he is. Maybe it’s because Jason never really had the chance to move out, not as Dick did. Or maybe he’s just more emotional than he cares to admit. 

“Is that it?” Winter has already started unpacking, bubble wrap in a pile on the floor next to her. Jason just wants to wrap her in it, wants to keep her safe for as long as he possibly can, even past his and Dick’s deaths. 

“Yeah, this is the last box. When did you get so much shit?” Distracting himself from his emotions is the only way he knows how to cope. 

“It’s what happens when you leave home, you need all new stuff because you don’t have anything. Am I supposed to go without a kettle or bowls?” His little girl has definitely inherited his and Dick’s sass. 

“You’re forgetting baby that I lived with the bare minimum when I first got my own place. I could pack it all into one bag.” Jason responds he’s gotten a lot better since those days, he can have an actual conversation with Bruce that doesn’t include screaming, he has a family. 

“Yeah but you’re not normal Dad.”

The day passes a lot quicker than Jason wants. It’s dusk and Jason doesn’t want to leave because he has to leave his little girl here. He doesn’t want to patrol as Red Hood, just wants to stay here and make sure that the security in Winter’s apartment is up to vigilante standards (he knows it is, Tim bought the whole building and updated the security). Instead, he watches as Dick wraps their daughter in a tight hug and kisses the top of her head before he lets go and it’s Jason’s turn to say goodbye. There’s a lump in his throat and he can’t get the words he wants out, but she seems to understand. Compared to Jason, Winter’s still tiny, her head only reaching his chest, but she still squeezes him tightly and he buries his face in her hair. 

“Love you, baby.”

“Love you too dad.”

He feels slightly better then, but it still tears at his heart to have to leave her behind, knowing he’s not going to see her for a few days. 

“She’ll be more than fine Jaybird.” Dick’s hand is warm in his and his tone soothing and full of adoration. 

“I know.”

 

_ Will we still hang out and talk when I'm no longer in charge? _

_ Oh, dear Winter, I hope you like your name _

_ I hope you let me take a shot with you on your twenty-first _

_ But shit, you gotta ask your mom first _

 

It’s become a ritual and Jason hopes that it’s going to continue for many years. Brunch with Winter on Sunday mornings is the highlight of his week. Dick teases him about it, but it’s not going to change anything. Winter may have moved out of their home, but she’s still his little girl and one of his best friends on top of that. 

“Are you and Papa gonna be there?” She’s talking about her twenty-first birthday and she’s so excited. 

“We wouldn’t miss it for the world, baby.” Jason’s large, rough hand squeezes her small, soft one in reassurance. 

“But what about Gotham?” He knows what she’s getting at and it’s been a cause for many arguments over the years. 

“What about it? You’re our little girl, you’re only going to turn twenty one once and we’re not going to miss it unless it’s the end of the world.” Dick would usually be warm and reassuring promising something like this, but Jason always feels more comfortable being as serious as he can, as if promising retribution to anyone or thing that dares make him break this promise. 

“You don’t have to stay the whole night. Just for the meal and the cake. I don’t want to keep you away from people who need your help. Especially the working girls you look after. They won’t be starting until after the cake, so you can still protect them.” Pride fills him, his little girl grew up to be so conscientious of others. It makes being the Red Hood, so much easier and so much harder. 

“We’ll stay for as long as we can without making you seem uncool.” Jason pauses for dramatic effect, Winter doesn’t say anything, knowing what he’s like. “So I’ll be there all night improving your cred. I’ll drink all your friends under the table.” She laughs and smiles as if she’s indulging him. 

“Papa won’t let you.”

“He won’t. It’s not that I can’t drink them under the table. I had lots of practice before you were born. I could outdrink the Russian mafia.” 

“Sure.” Her laughter is infectious and slightly and non-believing. 

“It was not long after I become the Red Hood…” 

They’re at a nightclub for Winter’s twenty-first and Jason has to admit that he is a little too old for this scene. Dick still looks amazing, in tight jeans that make his ass look amazing and a blue jumper. Winter looks stunning but there’s the annoying Dad part of Jason that doesn’t like that his little girl dresses like that. He’s not in charge anymore so his voice doesn’t count (not that it ever did when it came to what Winter wears). 

“Come on, birthday girl, I’m buying us a shot.” Jason loops his arm around Winter’s shoulders and she leans into him, obviously a little tipsy already. “You want to join us Dickiebird.” He has to shout over the booming bass and it makes his throat hurt slightly, but Dick here’s him and joins the two of them at the bar. 

“Just the one. Winter’ll have many people buy her shots tonight and I don’t want her to get completely drunk quite yet.” 

“Three pineapple upside down cake shots please.” Jason signals the barman. He’s not a huge fan of the fruity shots but it’s one thing that Winter has definitely inherited from Dick, a love of sugary things and fruity drinks. It’s not long before the colourful shots are placed in front of the three of them. “Happy Birthday baby. We love you so much.” Dick repeats the message and the three of them take the shot. Jason almost grimaces at the taste, but it’s clear that both Dick and Winter enjoyed it. With a quick hug and a kiss pressed into the top of her head, Winter is gone back into the crowd that contains her friends. 

“We did alright Jaybird.” Dick smiles after her. 

“I think we did better than alright.” They sit together in silence, both lost in their own thoughts as the barman waits for their Guinness’s to settle. 

 

_ Dear Winter, I'm looking for your mom _

_ I gotta find a girl that doesn't mind that I'm inside my head a lot _

_ Winter, it won't be too long _

_ First, I just gotta find your mom _

 

It’s been almost a year since he came back to Gotham and it’s not gotten any easier. He still feels the pits anger all the time and talking to Bruce is definitely a no go. That doesn’t mean he’s cut all ties with the family, he has tea with Alfred once a week in a tiny little tea shop, run by an English woman and her daughter. Jason likes it, none of the other bats know about it, it’s a place for him and Alfred to reconnect and he likes the rapport they have with the staff. Jason can’t stand being around the Replacement or the Demon Brat, he goes out of his way to avoid having to deal with them (last time it ended bloody), but he can’t seem to avoid Dick. 

Dick seems to always be around when Jason just wants to be alone, to lick his wounds or rage in peace. Some part of him recognises that Dick is always around when he needs him most. Since Jason has died and come back, Dick seems to have learnt something about boundaries, despite breaking into Jason’s various different safe houses, he knows not to push Jason to talk. On bad days, days where Jason needs Dick the most but will never admit it, the two of them sit in silence, taking comfort in each other’s presence. The warm press of Dick’s side against his is a beacon to lead him out of the depths of his mind. Sometimes it doesn’t work and then Dick’s gentle soothing words seem to penetrate the feelings of despair. 

It starts out with Dick crashing in his nearest safe house once a week after patrol. Dick’s usually gone by the time Jason wakes up, breakfast sat in a paper bag from the nearby bakery, but no coffee, because even after all this time, Dick knows how much Jason hates cold coffee. 

It then evolves into a movie night after Jason finds himself visiting Bludhaven more often with his expanding business. Dick’s apartment is much more comfortable than his own safe houses, it’s got that lived in feeling which Jason really misses, but never lives anywhere permanently enough for that feeling to grow. Over time Jason finds that his stuff has migrated into Dick’s apartment. He has claimed the guest bedroom for his own and the two of them spent hours putting together a bookshelf that’s now laden with all of Jason’s favourites and the books Dick collected from Jason’s old room at the Manor. 

It’s a decent representation of his life Jason thinks, the bookshelf slowly coming together with a lot of help from Dick and a lot of time. One day the bookshelf will be full of books, it’s purpose fulfilled, and maybe by that point, he too will have found his purpose in this life. 

He’s getting his life together, slowly but surely. One day, sometime soon, he’ll be able to approach the idea of finding someone who he wants to parent a child with, but for now, he’s going to focus on getting out of his head living in the real world. 


End file.
